


Date Night

by supremegreendragon



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dark, Feeding Kink, Flirting, Footsie, Forced Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 13:24:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremegreendragon/pseuds/supremegreendragon
Summary: Joker has a bomb and wants a date. Batman's about to have the longest night of his life





	Date Night

Driving through the rain felt as smooth as butter. Powerful and agile, the Batmobile cut through the open roads effortlessly. Even though it was built like a tank, the sound emitting from the engine was little more than a purr. Batman usually savored the feeling of gliding through the roads, while his eyes searched out crime. Some moments he even imagined himself an actual bat looking out for prey.

But he had no time to enjoy the drive today. His brain focused on one single task: saving the lives of many.

The area in which he drove looked to be in shambles. Only crooks and unfortunate innocents lived here. Jim Gordon would call it “a man-made hellhole,” which was saying something, given everything the man had seen in his line of work. Bruce felt bad for the residents trying to earn an honest living. He had been donating heavily to fix this part of town alone, but it didn’t seem to do much good.

Batman clutched at the steering wheel with one hand, while the other held the bloody note. He had found it pinned to a dead body with a pocketknife. It was no accidental discovery, as the body had been left out on top of the Gotham City Bank building. The only reason for his death was to catch Batman’s attention.

And only the cruelest villain alive would do something like that. Would waste a human life for something of such little importance.

Come to this address. Alone. We’ll talk more there ;-) – J Bird

There was no way that the clown wanted to negotiate. Two of his bombs had already been detonated: one downtown, the other in the northeast area, and Joker was not one to stop his game halfway through. Batman knew he was leading him into a trap. But with at least one more bomb somewhere in the city, Batman had to play by his rules ---at least, for now.

The address led him to a strange old store on a deserted street - paint that had once been quite colorful was now peeling and muted. A giant cardboard cat stood on top of the building, wearing a crown on its head. It held a rubrics cube in its paw and had a Cheshire smile on its face.

King Cat’s Cool Toys. Batman cringed at the half hearted attempted at alliteration. Of course the Joker would choose to meet here. If there was one thing the clown loved, it was broken down places once meant for children.

He stepped out of the car and pressed a hidden button on his temple, making his eyes glow light blue. The detector allowed him to see with x-ray vision. Although not as effective as a Kryptonian’s, it could appraise anything he found with detailed information. Batman took another good look at the building. There were six men on the top floor, armed to the teeth with rifles. They were all a good distance apart from each other. Only one person sat on the first floor, looking all too comfortable. Even though the lone figure was just a skeleton in Batman’s line of high-tech sight, he knew who it was. Batman pressed the button again, allowing him to see normally.

He took in a steady breath before entering the building. Joker was sprawled out on a fake throne much too small for him, as its purpose was to serve little kids instead of a grown man. The Joker grinned at him and waved him on over. He wore a cotton crown that looked exactly like the sign’s, as well as a regal red cape. Joker look unperturbed, even as Batman approached him. Some villains had to pretend to appear calm in his presence, but for the Joker, it was second nature.

“Ah! Bats. My loyal subject has finally returned to me. Anything new to report? Are the fairies revolting? Are the unicorns still producing milk? Is my bride-to-be still a virgin?”

“Where’s the other bomb?” Batman had no patience to listen to the Joker’s insanity.

Joker frowned. He straightened his back, as if he was trying to portray authority over Batman. It seemed like wearing the toy crown had already gone to his head.

“How dare you order your king around like that? You could get the guillotine for this. But I’ll tell you what. I’ll forgive you if you drop your pants right this second. Your king has been hungry for a treat and I think you have a nice big one hidden inside.”

Batman leapt into action. He grabbed Joker by the collar and lifted him off the ground, not caring that the clown had to struggle to catch his breath. The Joker didn’t care either, if his damn chuckling was any indication. Batman wanted to punch every tooth out of that smug smile. All those lives lost. Batman would see to it that the Joker would pay.

“Where is it?!” he yelled into the Joker’s ear. Part of him hoped he had busted an eardrum.

“Oh, darling! Don’t play so rough. We barely got started and I’m already getting so har---” Batman cut him off by slamming him against the wall. He punched the man square in the jaw. Blood spilled from the bleach white nose. Miraculously, the crown stayed on despite the impact.

Batman raised his fist again, threateningly. So far, the men upstairs weren’t coming over to see the commotion. Joker had probably instructed them to stay away until he called for them. Batman could handle them easily once they got here, so his full attention was on the master mind in front of him.

“Listen here, you piece of shit. If you don’t tell me where the bomb is, you’re going to Arkham in a body bag.”

Joker soothingly petted the hands that were gripping his neck. The smile never left his face, nor the serene joy in his eyes.

“I would love to tell you where the next bomb is. And I won’t detonate it either, pinkie promise! But before I do something for you, you got to do something for me.”

His answer was another punch to the jaw. Laughter and blood filled the room. Batman couldn’t contain his anger, yet he was clearly not getting anywhere with Joker – mere threats and violence weren’t enough.

Batman clenched his teeth together, “I will never negotiate with you.”

“You sure about that? What if I told you I don’t even have the detonator? One of my men has it. And all I have to do is give them the signal and they’ll press the button for me.”

Batman pressed his temple again. Joker seemed amused at how his eyes glowed, like a kid that just saw pretty Christmas lights.

“Your nifty gadgets won’t tell you which one of my men has it, silly.”

Batman already knew that. Unbeknownst to the clown, the glowing eyes were a decoy. Batman didn’t just press the button to his detector, but he had also called one of his greatest allies. Oracle’s voice chimed in.

“Batman? Did you find out where the bomb is?”

“You can’t give your men a signal if you’re unconscious. I can knock you out and take them out one by one. It doesn’t matter which of them has the detonator.”

Batman knew that Oracle was listening. Joker wasn’t the only one who had help at the ready. Barbara was so incredibly smart that she would put two and two together.

The Joker was caught off guard for a second. His lips tilted into a much too deep frown to be genuine. He faked a sniffle.

“Oh no! You’ve found a flaw in my carefully elaborate plan. Boo-hoo! Now I can’t get the Batman to do whatever I want. If only I had been smart enough to think ahead,” he smiled, “Oh wait! I did. See, my men are watching us right now. They’re going to be watching all night. I hate it too, love. Wish they would give us some privacy to be together. But alas! It’s what your king had to do.”

Batman saw this coming, “And let me guess. They’ll detonate the bomb as soon as I do anything you don’t want.”

Joker’s bleeding smile answered that question for him. Batman would have to pretend to relent. For now. Feigning a look of defeat, he set the clown back on the floor, never once breaking eye contact.

“What do you want?” he snarled.

Joker dusted himself off. Even oozing blood, he always made sure his clothes remained intact. If he hadn’t gone down the path of a crook, he could’ve fit right in the fashion industry. He seemed to have much more of a talent for that than for comedy.

But telling the Joker that might lead the clown down a dangerous killing spree. The clown never liked being told he wasn’t funny by anyone, not even by Batman. If anything, hearing it from Batman would make him even angrier. Joker wanted to make Batman laugh. Somehow, the clown had turned comedy into a weapon, much like how the Scarecrow used fear.

If Batman ever laughed at his jokes, it would tell Joker that he was finally getting inside his head.

“It’s simple, Bats. I want to spend the night with you. I want us to have ourselves a romantic dinner, do a little dancing, and then make love in bed. I’ve already have everything set up in the next room. You just have to bring yourself and your pretty smile.”

Batman paused. Was the clown serious? Joker had always hinted at an intense attraction for him, but Batman thought it was all part of a game. He didn’t think that Joker would ever demand a date. The part about making love made Batman’s skin crawl.

Oracle’s voice brought him out of his stupor, “Stall him for as long as you can. I’ll see about finding out which of his men has the detonator.”

He prayed she was quick. The sooner he could fight off the Joker, the better. The Joker pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began to wipe away his wounds. 

“So. Do we have a deal?”

“I’m not hungry,” Batman couldn’t believe he just said that. Of all the concerns he could voice about this plan, that was what he chose to say?

“Oh no, mister. Don’t you try to talk yourself out of this one. I spent all day over a hot stove to make this for you. You’ll eat everything on your plate, or boom! A part of your lovely town will go up in smoke.”

He smiled at his threat. The clown skipped off to the other side of the room, then paused to meet Batman’s eyes. The caped crusader hadn’t bothered to follow, so he was still standing awkwardly by the throne. Joker wagged his finger, gesturing him on over seductively. He wasn’t losing any patience…..yet.

Batman narrowed his eyes, before he reluctantly obeyed the unspoken command. Joker opened the door behind him, allowing Batman to enter first. It looked like an old employee longue. In the center of the room was a worn-down table with enough food for two, complete with chairs that looked more at home in someone’s back yard. Batman noted that the food was all from Panda Express, making him wonder at the thought of Joker actually paying for his meals. Either that or he held the poor employees at gun point.

Joker grabbed a chair and motioned for him to take a seat, before filling his own plate with orange chicken.

“Go ahead and eat! I know you’ll thank your king later once we’re in bed. But before we get to the fun part of the night, we need to have the traditional date. I’m not going to treat you like a wanton slut like all the other clowns out there. No sir! I’m going to feed you, dance with you and then treat you like a slut. Just the kind of respect you deserve.”

Batman sat down, frowning. If the Joker wanted to have sex, he was going to be sorely disappointed. Batman would rather fuck a giant cockroach. The Joker disgusted him in ways no one else could. Batman had never broken his vow not to kill, but he knew that if he ever did, it would be the Joker’s death on his hands.

When Barbara found out the information on the bomb, Batman would unleash his angry fists on the clown once more. From across the table, Joker glared impatiently. He proceeded to shove a container of food into Batman’s hands.

“I got this just for you, even though I hate it.”

Confused, Batman looked inside to see plain steamed veggies. It was about the only thing the restaurant had that he could stomach. Batman stared at it, not in any hurry to eat anything the Joker willingly gave him.

“Come on! Eat already! You can even use your inspection thingie to see that it’s not poisoned, if you want. Don’t leave me to chow down by myself. It’s not fair, Bats,” as if the cement his point, Joker stuffed his mouth full of fried rice. He eyed Batman, “So hurry up. The sooner we get this dinner over with, the sooner we can have sex.”

He ate with all the table manners of a dog. Batman couldn’t prevent himself from making a face. Instead of being insulted, the Joker burst out laughing. Once he deemed the food safe, Batman started to eat, slowly.

He felt the tip of a shoe stroke his leg as he ate. Batman didn’t meet Joker’s gaze, even though he knew those green eyes were now boring into his head. Joker hummed a happy tune while he played footsie with his enemy. Knowing this was just an attempt to get a rise out of him, Batman didn’t react.

The clown suddenly shot out of his seat. Batman noticed the frustrated look on Joker’s face. Being ignored was one thing that the clown could not stand. Joker forced a smug smile and changed his strategy. The clown walked around, looming over Batman’s chair.

And then he proceeded to sit on his lap.

“Wha-? Get off me,” Batman growled under his breath. Joker wasn’t heavy by any means. If anything, he was underweight. But that didn’t mean he wanted the clown to straddle on his knee as if he were his child.

It was the Joker’s turn to ignore him. He swung his legs back and forth, while he wrapped his arms around Batman’s shoulders. He grabbed the veggie container from Batman’s hand. He took out another forkful of food, then brought it to Batman’s lips.

“Say ah.”

Batman’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, come on! It will be fun, Bats.”

“Your idea of fun never ends well.”

Joker probed his bottom lip with the tip of his fork, smearing Batman’s lips with the salt from the veggies. Batman childishly clamped his mouth tighter. The idea of the clown feeding him like a baby was too degrading to think about. Joker caught the annoyed look on Batman’s face, which earned the dark knight an evil smile.

“Let me put it this way. If you don’t open up the tunnel for this little train here,” he waved the fork around, “Then Gotham goes boom!”

Saying nothing, Batman did what the Joker wanted him to. He nearly choked when Joker thrusted the utensil inside. Batman recovered quickly and swallowed the food. Joker, seeing that he had been too careless, brought the second forkful much more gently. A dreamy look crossed his features.

He spoke with a hushed voice, “You’re so gorgeous. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about doing this. Feeding you from my hand like you were a tiny pet bat. It’s so cute.”

Batman couldn’t suppress a growl at that remark. Being 210 pounds of pure muscle, Joker acting like he was something cute and harmless made him angry.

Finally, the vegetables were all gone. Joker seemed to have forgotten to eat his share. He was content to stay on Batman’s lap, tracing his finger through Batman’s lips. Batman remained as frozen as a statue, listening intently for Barbara to buzz in with news. She didn’t.

When Joker got too close, Batman snapped his head back. The clown frowned. Batman saw the rage building inside the clown for rejecting his kiss. He knew he had to appease him, if he wanted to keep people alive for a little bit longer.

“I never kiss on the first date,” Batman explained.

Bingo. It was just a funny enough comment to soften the look on Joker’s face.

“Well then let’s count this dinner as numero uno. We’ll count our next activity as date number two.”

“And that would be?”

“It told you! Dancing, of course! It’s a three-step program. Dinner, dancing, fucking. In that order.”

“There won’t be any fucking,” he growled, thinking it would sound threatening. If anything, the lust in Joker’s eyes hardened.

“No need to play coy with me. I know you’re just as excited as I am. You’re really selling this blushing virgin thing, acting all flustered with a kiss. Maybe I should go ahead and…” he leaned his head in once more, closed his eyes and puckered his lips.

Batman grabbed his throat, effectively stopping him in his tracks. The shocked clown tried to pull away, but Batman kept him in a chokehold.

“Ah ah! Easy! My men are still watching, see?”

Batman released him. Joker heaved loudly to catch his breath, then he shot the knight a look.

“Sheesh! Don’t be such a tight ass. It’s just a kiss.”

The only response Joker got from Batman was a cold death glare. The clown simply shrugged his shoulders, then spun around like he was a ballerina. The Joker closed his eyes as he did his unusual dance, seemingly unaware of Batman just staring at him.

“What are you doing?”

“Dancing. You’re free to join me.”

“There’s…no music.”

Joker cackled at that. He glided on his feet toward the bat, grabbing his arms and forcing their hands to connect.

“You got to use your imagination. It’s much more fun than real music.”

The Joker should be able to get access to music quite easily if he wanted to, so it was strange he wanted to go without. Maybe this was just another game of his. He probably wanted Batman to dance to nothing in order to humiliate him.

Why hadn’t Oracle contacted him yet? What was taking so long?

Batman decided he would have to wait a little bit longer. He moved his feet, instinctively guiding Joker like he was one of his many dance partners he had as Bruce Wayne. Joker frowned. He struggled in his grip. It took a second for Batman to realize that he was fighting to take the lead. Batman feigned ignorance and continued to dance.

“This isn’t right. Let me take charge,” Joker whined. In response, Batman twirled him around, almost becoming amused with how aggravated Joker was, “Stop!”

Batman did. Joker recovered, looking as if Batman had insulted him somehow. Batman was glad to know his little date wasn’t going quite the way he had wanted it to.

“You wanted to dance.”

“Don’t play dumb, Bats. You know I wear the pants in this relationship. Now let’s try this again. Let me take control this time.”

He intertwined his fingers into Batman’s once more.

“What are you getting out of this?” Batman suddenly asked. Joker was now leading them in their music-less tango, which Batman allowed only because he had no other choice.

Joker smiled, his mood restored, “What are you talking about, dear?”

“You only do things when it benefits you,” Batman explained as Joker lead them into a circle around the room, “So what’s the point of all this? What’s the point of this date?”

A flash of confusion crossed Joker’s face for a second, then it was replaced with a smirk.

“Damn, you’re adorable when you’re stupid. I thought it was obvious. You’re mine. And you know it too! You may be Gotham’s knight in shining armor, but I am your king.”

Batman fought the urge to break away from his grip.

“You really think—”

“Of course! I know you consider yourself a free spirit and I won’t take that away from you completely. But there’s no denying you were mine from the wonderful moment we met.”

“You’re sicker than I thought.”

“Heh. Keep on living in your fantasy world,” Joker leaned his head into Batman’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. His voice was low and sensual now, “You know the best part about this night is? You actually think you’re just doing this for a good cause.”

Batman said nothing. He knew the clown. Joker was clearly about to say something insane and he didn't want to indulge him.

Unfortunately, the clown continued without any encouragement.

"I know you. You and I are connected in ways that no one else is. You want this as much as I do."

"Connected?" Batman scoffed. His tone of voice caught Joker’s attention. Joker pulled his head back up and stared at him, clearly hanging onto every word that Batman was about to say. They had stopped dancing.

Batman’s eyes narrowed to slits, “You’re nothing to me but a killer.”

"You're wrong. You love me. You just won't admit it. You won’t face the truth about us, darling" Joker’s voice was almost pleading. It was an unusual tone to hear from him.

It was then that Batman realized just how sick the clown was. His obsession had reached unstable levels. The Joker had his mental guard down, giving Batman his chance to strike at his core. He held Joker in place and looked at him in the eye, trying to get through that thick layer of insanity.

"I hate you," Batman didn't even sound angry. It was stated simply as a matter of fact, "There isn't a day I don't think about killing you."

Joker smiled proudly. Not good.

"No. You're not understanding me, Joker. That is not a sign of love. You disgust me. And I will never love you."

The smile crashed. Horror flashed through those same green eyes that were usually filled with malicious joy. Batman knew his words were finally reaching him. Maybe this was the wake-up call that Joker needed for so long.

"You're the one who won't admit the truth. You’ve deluded yourself into thinking I feel the same way about you as you do with me. But really, I wish you would just disappear from my life."

And as if he said the magic words, the last shreds of Joker's cool evaporated. The horrified clown pulled away, looking like Batman had just slapped him, or that mommy and daddy were getting a divorce, or that his baby was in a car accident.

For a moment, Batman almost felt sorry for him. But then Joker’s pitiful look changed into pure rage. Even Batman wasn’t prepared for the scary sight before him. He had never seen the Joker looking so angry, even after all the terrible years of knowing him.

"You ruined it."

Joker kicked table so hard that it snapped in two, as the pieces flew into the air. Batman barely managed to dodge the oncoming debris. But the Joker wasn’t nearly done; he grabbed a vase nearby and intentionally threw it at Batman. Another duck of the head saved Batman from needing stiches for his exposed jawline.

The clown was seizing out like he was possessed by a demon. The dark knight couldn’t believe his eyes. He had seen this kind of behavior before, from Dick Grayson when he was a very young boy.

The Joker was throwing a tantrum.

And a dangerous one at that.

Any minute now he might signal his men to detonate the bomb. Batman kicked himself for his stupidity. He had to defuse the clown’s temper – and fast.

"Joker, calm down."

"You ruined it! I planned this lovely night for us! And then you had to open your fucking mouth and say all that...that...." he was stammering and screaming, while his face glowed bright pink, "BULLSHIT. You ruined our night, you little shit. So, I'll ruin yours."

Batman offered a look of regret, but it wasn't nearly enough to appease his enemy. Any minute now the Joker could give the signal. His men were probably watching from the cameras right now, waiting to press the button that would take dozens of lives.

Pride could always be sacrificed for the greater good. Batman spoke softly, "I didn't mean it."

This seemed to snap the Joker out of his raging fit. Although still angry and very suspicious, the Joker was obviously listening. Batman willed himself to continue, intentionally sounding as remorseful as possible.

"You're right....J," Batman had come up with the nickname on the spot. He figured it couldn't hurt, "I don't hate you. I sometimes hate what you do, but I can never hate you personally."

It was a lie. Although Batman knew that some crooks were redeemable, the Joker wasn't one of them. Someone who got as much pleasure hurting others as Joker did wasn't willing to change. Doctors may believe they had a chance at rehabilitating him, but Batman knew the truth. Joker wouldn't change and Batman hated him for that.

Meanwhile, Joker's features softened considerably. He even managed a small smile that would look innocent on any other face.

"That's right, Batsy. Tell me more."

He was milking this for all it was worth. Batman tried not to cringe. Do it for the lives at stake, he told himself. Oracle couldn't be much longer now. He just had to buy a little more time, play this game a little bit longer.

"I think about you every day," Batman dared to take a step closer, "You're the reason I protect Gotham. Every villain I chase off the street, I hope it's one step closer to seeing you again."

He crept closer until they were mere inches apart. Now Joker's smile stretched itself from ear to ear. Batman knew he would have to really convince the Joker that he was sorry.

He went to his happy place

And kissed him full on the lips.

Joker was quick to take charge, wrapping his arms around the back of Batman's cowl and crushing their lips together. Batman withdrew before he could get the bright idea to add tongue into the mix. Joker smiled, satisfied at Batman's initiative. He grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward another door.

"Come on, babe. Your king has something he wants to show you. Something big and special."

Batman allowed him to drag him to the other room. It was small and cramp, partly thanks to the fact that the queen-sized bed nearly took up the entire space. Joker lied down first, then pulled Batman on top of him. Batman's heart began to pound in his chest. He was out of time. Would he....actually go through with it? Could he do it?

People still need him.

And yet Joker disgusted him so much that he wanted to vomit.

For an evil moment, he considered fighting the clown off, regardless of the bomb threat.

Joker kissed him again. His hands were now at his belt, trying to figure out how to undo it. Batman felt sick to his stomach. No.

No this couldn’t happen. He just couldn’t. There were some things that were impossible even for him.

Maybe he could let those people die.....

Oracle’s voice rang in his ear.

"Batman. I found the bomb. I'm showing you your target now."

Just like that, Batman went feral. Without thinking, he punched the clown in the face. The Joker was too caught off guard to stop his attacks. Soon he was bloody, bruised and unconscious. Batman used his grappling hook to go through a hole in the wall directly above him. The henchman barely processed what was happening before Batman knocked him out cold. When he was on the ground, he grabbed the detonator and deactivated it.

It was finally over.

He pressed his temple.

"Mission accomplished, Oracle. Thank you."

"Batman? Is everything okay? You sound upset."

"Everything is fine. Call Gordan."

He hung up before she could ask any more questions. Batman spent the next hour knocked out everyone else in the building. It was a good distraction.

But as they went down, he was left to nothing but his thoughts--and his regret. He had actually considered going against his rule. Although he won this battle, he felt that the Joker had knowingly won the war.

Batman went back to his Batmobile, ignoring Gordan who had just arrived. Gordan looked like he wanted to talk, but Batman brushed him off. He felt unworthy of Gordan's friendship right now.

He sped off in the abandon street, as the shame in his gut increased with every yard. It was no longer raining.


End file.
